Piss' Gambit

Piss' Gambit is the title of the seventeenth episode episode of Jarren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D Is For Nerds Adventure. It features Adam Carnevale as the Dungeon Master. The episode was released on 26th August, 2017. The introductory soundbite is "Sanspants radio: whenever I have a nightmare where I'm naked, I'm never naked, I'm always just wearing a t-shirt, because I think it's more awkward to try to cover your dick and balls with a t-shirt than if you're just nude, because if you're just nude you can just be like, 'hey, I'm nude, this is me' but if you've got a t-shirt obviously, like, not only are you naked, you also fucked up getting dressed, and I think that's what makes it all the more humiliating if you have a dream like that; I always wake up being like, 'thank god I know to put pants on too'," spoken by Jackson Baly. The previous episode is Off The Force and the following one is Run, Grapple, Jump.

Events

 * 1) Greg kills a Blood Cultist, then disguises himself as him to get into their lair.
 * 2) His plan fails, and he narrowly escapes, leading them through the sewers - luckily stumbling upon the tunnel that goes into the gnomish district.
 * 3) Leo sends a message to Flip Sham to cancel the meeting with Irky Timbers.
 * 4) Tuesday tells Periwinkle about the Surefoot safehouse in the gnomish district.
 * 5) Leo sends another message to Flip Sham to reconfirm the meeting.
 * 6) Papa Littlelow shows up and talks to Leo and Periwinkle about the weapon, and promises to make them made men if they destroy it.
 * 7) Leo, Periwinkle and the rest of the C-Team go to the meeting with Irky Timbers.
 * 8) As it begins, Greg Piss bursts out of a sewer grate, cultists in tow, running towards the Surefoot warehouse.
 * 9) The C-Team and the cultists chase Greg, while the gnomes engage the cultists.  Greg disappears.

Players & Their Characters

 * Jackson Baly as Greg Piss
 * Joel Zammit as Leo Shadow
 * Handsome Tom as Periwinkle O'Rourke

NPCs

 * Skip Tarkenton
 * Father Ralph Moroni
 * The C-Team
 * Papa Littlelow
 * Irky Timbers

Locations

 * Jarren's Outpost
 * The sewers
 * The gate to the gnomish quarter

Plot
Greg Piss is on his way to weasel out of something when a man he knows named Skip Tarkenton, a member of the Blood Cult. Greg pretends he was going to see the Father (Moroni), and inquires about him: Skip tells him he's happy. Greg skewers him with the rapier he acquired from Toltan, then takes his robe and pushes the body into the water. He plans to infiltrate the Blood Cult, but after several hours wandering around the sewers he is unable to find it. Eventually, after five or six hours, he finds it. Greg cuts his hand and bleeds onto the door, and it opens, then casts alter self and assumes the form of the man he killed earlier.

He wanders in to find a group of robed people who move about chanting. Greg, as Skip, interrupts them, and announces knowledge on the whereabouts of the weapon, and that he had met with Greg Piss. The cultist throw up their hands and chant "blood!". Greg joins in. Father Ralph Moroni pushes past the cultists and asks Skip to lead them. Greg says he knows where the weapon is, but not how to get there, he says the gnomes have it in a stronghold in the sewers. A cultist brings out a jar containing a sort of wisp - Greg's soul. After giving it a shake, Moroni can tell it's Greg in disguise as Skip. He jerks it, and Greg doubles over in pain. Greg reveals himself, and admits that he killed Skip. "spilled blood, that's good for you, right?" he bargains.

The cultists hold him down as they light a large ritual fire, then they put him inside a cage, but Greg has a trick up his sleeve, and casts blink to escape. He attempts to navigate towards the gnomish stronghold, and luckily finds the path that only the cultists and surefoots are aware of. Cultists in pursuit, he figures out he's somewhere under the gnomish section.

Periwinkle suggests his team checks one Surefoot safehouse and Leo and the Littlelows checks another, but Leo wants to stick together. Leo sends a message to Flip Sham cancelling the meeting with Irky, but assuring he'll keep his promise to her to either destroy the weapon or give it to the gnomes. They decide to hit the jewellery store first, as the C-Team. Tuesday tells Periwinkle about Toltan's plan to get into the Surefoot warehouse in the gnomish district. With that information, the party decides that the C-Team will, in the end, go to meet Irky and Flip Sham at the gate to the gnome district, and the Littlelows will attempt to find a different way in. Leo sends Flip Sham another message to reconfirm the meeting. Papa Littlelow's carriage pulls up and he's wearing old leather armour, he has a crossbow and a rapier. He tells Leo and Periwinkle that he knows of a tunnel to get into the gnomish district, but not how to find it. Littlelow refuses to deal with Irky Timbers and the Sabres, but is open to aligning with the town guard or the church. He says that if the weapon is not destroyed, then his people should keep it. Papa Littlelow kisses Periwinkle on both cheeks. He tells him and Leo that he will make them made men if they destroy the weapon, and that if they find a way in to the gnomish section the Littlelows will help. In the meantime, he will return to rebuild Little Teaglaigh - and kill a lot of Surefoots.

Leo, Periwinkle and the C-Team go to the gate to the gnomish district. Some soldiers emerge, and then Irky Timbers does. Leo asks for them to let them in, and as he does he sees through the gap of the open gate Greg Piss burst out of a sewer grate. Periwinkle stares at him murderously. A cultist is climbing the ladder below Greg. He uses the blink spell again, and suddenly he's running down the street. Cultists start climbing out, and they engage in combat with the gnomes. Chaos erupts. The party chases after Greg, breaking clear into the district. Periwinkle drops some caltrops behind him as cultists chase, followed by gnomes, and Greg leads them to the Surefoot warehouse. Greg Piss, ahead of them, turns invisible.

''Will Greg Piss be found? Can Greg Piss be found? Find out next time...''

Quotes

 * "Slippery as an eel. Slippery as a big-cocked eel!" - Joel, about Greg
 * "How you goin', my orc?" - Tuesday to Periwinkle
 * "Leo's all for butt play." "If only Leo and Greg Piss had met under different circumstances." - Joel and Jackson
 * "Does Irky Timbers... irk you, Littlelow?" "He does a bit, yeah. That's some good word play." _ Periwinkle and Papa Littlelow
 * "You a member of the town guard maybe, you a member of my family definitely." - Papa Littlelow

Trivia

 * Near the start of the episode, the cultists' metal cage is likened to one in this scene in 1984 film Indiana Jones and The Temple Of Doom.