Souleater

Souleater is the title of the first episode of Jarren's Outpost Rumble, a D&D Is For Nerds Adventure. It features Adam Carnevale as the Dungeon Master and is a continuation of Jarren's Outpost Hustle. The episode was released on 23rd December, 2017. The introductory soundbite is "Sanspants radio: one red chip, one blue chip." spoken by Joel Zammit. The previous episode is Epilogue: Repercussions and the following one is Ave Maria.

Events

 * 1) Leo and Periwinkle assess the situation with Clara Norman, then go to Little Teaglaigh with Father Keaton after speaking to Flip Sham.
 * 2) Greg tries to wager the souls he drank with Damian Eaton, who takes them all over the course of five hours.
 * 3) Damian Eaton gives Greg a rod of teleportation and employs a ghost named Gary to follow him, tasking him once more with retrieving the weapon.
 * 4) The situation in Little Teaglaigh is relayed to Leo by his colleagues at the Littlelow restaurant.
 * 5) Periwinkle, Leo and Father Keaton return to the temple of Nomes and embark on ghost horses to the Littlelow estate.
 * 6) Greg teleports into the gnomish district.
 * 7) Greg attempts to trick his way into an audience with Irky Timbers, but is found out and imprisoned.

Players & Their Characters

 * Jackson Baly as Greg Piss
 * Joel Zammit as Leo Shadow
 * Handsome Tom as Periwinkle O'Rourke

NPCs

 * Clara Norman
 * Father Keaton
 * Flip Sham Rock
 * Damian Eaton
 * Littlelow restaurant employees
 * Gnomish guards

Locations

 * Jarren's Outpost
 * Temple to Nomes
 * Rhodes Keep
 * Gnomish District
 * Little Teaglaigh

Plot
From Clara Norman's quarters, Leo and Periwinkle can see the city below them in chaos. It looks as though the docks are still on fire, and Little Teaglaigh is utterly destroyed; and Damian Eaton, in dragon form, sits wrapped around his keep. Father Keaton enters the office and Clara tells Leo and Periwinkle to sit before her at her desk. She begins to fill them in on what they had missed during their unconsciousness. She tells them that the gnomes are using the weapon to kill anyone who comes close to their settlement; the Sabers are intent upon claiming the weapon from the gnomes, conscripting passersby, and do not intend upon letting the gnomes live - they have taken control of the area where the Church of Nomes' and gnomes' sections meet; the Blood Cult have taken the town square (though the militia-controlled area is largely safe) and are making hourly sacrifices; the militia has scattered; orcs are preparing another attack; the dwarves remain parked slightly out to sea. She then asks if either of them know of anywhere they could safely keep one hundred people: gnomes are being slaughtered by every faction and need help. Leo offers to reach out to Papa Littlelow. Apparently, the halfling families are in all-out war and the sewers are under jurisdiction of the Blood Cult. Irky Timbers is on the warpath. Periwinkle wants to kill some Surefoots. The Church of Nomes offers its help in return for peace and the dismantling of the weapon. Clara offers a meeting between Saber leader Evelyn Plain and them. Meanwhile, Greg Piss is public enemy number one.

The two decide to see Papa Littlelow and then attempt to be conscripted by the Sabers to get close to the gnomes. Father Keaton asks if he might go with them, they accept. Leo quickly talks to Flip Sham, recounting that if Leo had promised the weapon to the gnomes when she asked, she would have given him the combination to unlock the weapon there and then. On her way back from meeting him she was kidnapped by the Sureefoots, who took the code. She maintains that there is a semblance of a more peaceful Irky that resides within him still, and that he is better for all than any gnome that might succeed him.

Greg Piss decides to wager the souls he drank with Eaton. He sees the 100,000 gold bounty on his name, posters everywhere, and decides to cut his hair immediately, then he makes himself look fatter and changes his gait. He sees that Papa Swiftfoot is public enemy number 2 (75,000 gold), a blood cultist at #3, Damian Eaton at #4, Paladin Commander Evelyn Plain at #5 and Irky Timbers at #6. Greg Piss waves at Eaton, then offers a trade. The doors to the inner keep opens, and Eaton's elite guards let him in. The ground shudders as the dragon steps onto the ground, then transforms into his human form. With bug eyes, he inquires as to whose soul Greg would trade, as he has not his own. He fumbles, and Damian Eaton demands the lot in return for nothing. He reaches into Greg's chest, literally. For five hours he takes Greg's souls, one by one. Greg barely notices that they are put into a magic jar.

Echoing through the city, moaning souls can be heard. Leo and Periwinkle arrive at the ruins of Little Teaglaigh. Periwinkle tries to help people, but they are all killed. Every now and again, halfling family assassins can be heard in combat briefly. Once, Periwinkle finds and grabs a Surefoot, crushing their head in his hands. Leo tries to find his apartment, but it is in the middle of a huge lot of rubble. The facade of the restaurant sits Littlelow restaurant employees drinking coffees in front of it, with the rest of the building collapsed behind. They tell Leo that Little Little is around, that Papa Surefoot and Rosita are at the estate and Rosita has lost her right arm. They say the Surefoots are being picked apart, but like animals backed into a corner are lashing out; the Quietknives have shot up a Surefoot-friendly spot in retaliation; now even civilians are fair game in this war. Father Keaton offers a few horses to get to the Littlelow Estate. An undertaker drags a wagon along, overfilled with bodies.

They return to the temple, and Keaton and a priest summon ghost horses. The three ride to the Littlelow Estate.

Eaton tells Greg that if he procures the weapon, he shall make Greg a Lord beneath him. In return for his souls, Damian gives Greg a rod of teleportation with five charges, then offers to let someone go with him. Greg sees piles of dead bodies behind the wall of the keep that the dwarves destroyed, and puts two and two together - with the souls taken from Greg, Damian Eaton could raise an army of undead. Damian Eaton pulls a soul from his jar, who will follow him. They name the ghost Gary. Greg asks him to turn invisible, then teleports himself into the gnome district. Eaton returns to his dragon form and climbs up to sit on his keep.

Greg appears in the burned-down remains of his warehouse and wanders around, avoiding armed patrols. They wear regular armour but strange elongated plague-mask-type masks. Eventually Greg comes across one gnome without a weapon. He casts confusion on some guards and a couple attack one another. Greg, disguised as a guard, pulls the weaponless guard away to safety down a back alley. He casts charm person, and asks to see Irky - but the gnome sees through it. Greg keeps trying, the gnome calls for guards, Greg reveals himself. He's arrested. They take him to a makeshift gnomish guardhouse, in which Greg is listed as public enemy #3 and Periwinkle #5. The levers of the prison are complicated beyond one being pulled opening one cell door. In the cells with him are some gnomes, humans, and one naked person, chained up - "mummified" in chains, masked. He has one personal guard outside his cell.

''Can Greg Piss talk his way out of this situation? Find out next time... ''

Quotes

 * "They [orc fire brigade] start fires, they don't put them out." - Handsome Tom
 * "A gnome man's zone." - Periwinkle O'Rourke
 * "Peace is good enough." - Clara Norman
 * "Irky was - is - he's still in there somewhere, a gentle man. But he's been hurt, badly, betrayed by those he cared about; he loves this city, he does, I believe that, truly, but the city keeps hurting him." - Flip Sham
 * "Now, we jump over to Senor Piss." - Adam
 * "The point is, I'm chockas with souls." - Greg

Trivia

 * Adam refers to the bombing of Dresden in Slaughterhouse-5 as comparable to the state of Little Teaglaigh.
 * In For Life, For Love, For Me, Adam explains that the gnomish weapon kills hundreds in minutes, but in this episode, Clara Norman explains that it happens in seconds.
 * Father Keaton's full name is Buster Keaton.