Dragon on Your Heels

Dragon On Your Heels is the title of the third episode episode of Jarren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D is for Nerds Adventure. It features Adam Carnevale as the Dungeon Master. The episode was released on 8th July, 2017. The introductory soundbite is "Sanspants radio: your mum's your dad." spoken by Handsome Tom. The previous episode is The Docks and the following episode is Confused Chieftain.

Events

 * 1) The three attempt to infiltrate the orc camp in disguise.
 * 2) The dragon lands in the orc camp and the orcs fight it.
 * 3) The gnomes fly over the camp and drop soldiers in.
 * 4) The three look for the building with the weapon in, but the dragon keeps destroying them.
 * 5) Meatpie sees the dwarves at the docks join the fight.
 * 6) Periwinkle leads Greg and Leo through the orcs towards the tent.
 * 7) Leo is separated from the other two and Greg's guts fall out.

Players & Their Characters

 * Jackson Baly as Greg Piss
 * Joel Zammit as Leo Shadow, with Meatpie the magpie
 * Handsome Tom as Periwinkle O'Rourke

NPCs

 * A dragon
 * Kevin (mentioned)
 * Dwarves
 * Orcs
 * Gnomes

Locations

 * Jarren's Outpost
 * The docks

Plot
Leo asks Meatpie what's going on, but it doesn't know. Meatpie flies towards the orc camp to have a look while Greg transforms into an orc. The three march towards a stone building. Once the three are in the thick of it, an orc carrying weapons slams into Greg, ruining his illusion. At the same time, he trips into Leo. He's about to say something when a dragon lands in the docks upon one of the stone buildings the three planned to search. Leo and half the orc encampment fall to the tremor of it landing, and as it turns around a good deal of the camp collapses. The orcs charge and they start to fight it. The wooden gnomish contraption collapses as something is launched into the sky above the orcish camp - and, from it, gnomes kitted out to fight sail down from it, and they join in. The gnomes appear to be organising themselves with a giant speaker system.

Of the stone buildings, the one they approach seems to be for food preparation. As they move to another building, they notice that the dragon's natural path is following them; upon reaching a building, the dragon crushes it. The next building is Kevin's Blacksmithy, what they once used proper but since his death was no longer. Meatpie takes a moment to assess the situation from above, and as the three arrive at the smithy its windows are blown out from the inside - gnome firing squads shoot at the group. Periwinkle feels two bullets tear through him, and Leo one. Greg gets hit twice as well. Greg takes a lots more damage than the other two, with one of his triceps - on his playing hand - destroyed. He drops his lute.

Greg ducks out of the way and cures his wound, magically; Periwinkle grabs Greg's lute and also ducks away; Leo yells "No orcs here, just prisoners!" and scans the smithy. The dragon steps over the group and crushes the blacksmithy as they realise the firing squad was not aiming at them, but the dragon instead. Meatpie expresses that there's a four-way fight ensuing including Dwarves, which had landed at the docks, who seem to be fighting their way to the big tent; the three decide to go towards it themselves too. Periwinkle and Greg agree to return the lute so long as Greg helps them get out of the camp with the weapon.

On one side, dwarves attack the tent, on the other, gnomes, and the dragon's on its way. The hardiest looking orcs are defending it. They attempt to kill their way through in order: orcs, dwarves, orcs, and must do so before the dragon arrives. The three enter a spear formation with Periwinkle at the front, who wields his stingers. He punches and kills a man with it, then cleaves at another, then a third!

In the second wave, Periwinkle tries again, but a gnome falls from the sky and lands in his way. He tries again more successfully, but harms himself again. He gets two more of them. By the third wave, Periwinkle is hit by a random blow, and he gets angry. An orc steps up behind Leo, and when his curved falchion slices up his back it snags upon his armour; the orc picks him up this way, and Greg notices Leo shadow is thrown further into the dwarves.

The orc slashes across Greg's stomach, opening it, and emptying it.

''Can Piss put his guts back in? Find out next time...''

Quotes

 * "Crit cards! I missed crit cards- oh, wait... shit." - Jackson
 * "It's all fucked, they're all over the place." - Meatpie
 * "Gotcha, dickhead." Jackson to Adam
 * "Your gauntlets drag material; bone, flesh, blood, from your hands and form stingers... When you punch, you're gonna be breaking that stinger off." - Adam
 * "Fuckin' bring it on." - Periwinkle
 * "Buzz buzz, motherfucker." - Handsome Tom
 * "Can Piss put his guts back in? Find out next time on Jarren's Outpost Hustle." - Adam

Trivia

 * In order to activate his stingers, Periwinkle speaks the word Apis (Latin, bee) into his gauntlets.
 * The faint odour of honey can be smelt as Periwinkle kills.
 * At one point, due to the stingers' effectiveness against Periwinkle's opponents, Adam stops rolling damage for them.