Coffees to Go

Coffees to Go is the title of the seventh episode episode of Jarren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D is for Nerds Adventure. It features Adam Carnevale as the Dungeon Master. The episode was released on 22nd July, 2017. The introductory soundbite is "Sanspants radio: I push humpty-dumpty off that wall," spoken by Joel Zammit. he previous episode is Buttons and Sweatrock and the following episode is Papa Littlelow.

Events

 * 1) Periwinkle acquires the help of 9 comrades.
 * 2) Captain Toltan and Periwinkle convene.
 * 3) Leo tries to find Flip Sham in the gnome district.
 * 4) irky Timbers meets with Leo, but they don't get far.
 * 5) Leo notices a halfling watching him.
 * 6) Greg gives away some of the party's plans to Ralph Moroni.
 * 7) Papa Quietknife takes one of Greg's lungs as insurance for his debts.
 * 8) Father Keaton patches up Greg, but asks him to return in a week for any chance of a new lung.

Players & Their Characters

 * Jackson Baly as Greg Piss
 * Joel Zammit as Leo Shadow, with Meatpie the magpie
 * Handsome Tom as Periwinkle O'Rourke

NPCs

 * Captain Seymour Toltan
 * Ian
 * Periwinkle's buddies from the militia
 * Gnome guard
 * Little Little
 * Irky Timbers
 * Flip Sham (mentioned)
 * A halfling spying on Leo
 * Father Ralph Moroni
 * Laura (mentioned)
 * Quietknives orcs
 * Papa Quietknife
 * Weedy elf surgeon
 * Quietknife family priest
 * Father Keaton
 * Chief priestess Clara Norman (mentioned)

Locations

 * Militia headquarters
 * Toltan's office
 * The Littlelow restaurant
 * The gnome quarter gate
 * Papa Quietknife's carriage
 * Church of Nomes

Plot
Periwinkle debriefs the militia regarding the events at the docks and tells his buddies about the weapon - nine are on-board. Most of those consider O'Rourke a blood brother, two seem hesitant, but one friend says he can't help. He discovers very few people really knew what happened in the battle beyond the dwarven ships arriving. After rounding up comrades, he goes to Toltan's busy office to ask him for help. When he's offered a seat, he asks the captain if he'd like to take his sword, Silver Steel, which leans against a wall, disused, out of its sheath. The captain smiles. They discuss the events at the docks, the dragon and the weapon - Periwinkle tells Toltan that he thinks that things are about to be a lot worse than they were then. Toltan trusts Periwinkle not to screw over the town militia, and lets him do what he'll do, but doesn't promise anything. The captain thanks him, and as Periwinkle leaves he tells him that he can give him smaller, "discreet" amounts of help.

Leo grabs some more coffees from the restaurant and hears Little Little take the value of them from his wages as he leaves, then heads to the barricaded gnomish warehouse section of the city to find Flip Sham, but is denied access by a guard on the wall. Leo tries to offer the guard a coffee, but is rebuked. According to the guard, the gnome quarter is on lockdown on the orders of Irky Timbers, the local leader of the gnomish trading company - even when Leo claims to have information about the previous night at the docks, he's told to come back in an hour. Finally, Leo makes progress when he mentions the weapon. The gates open a fraction and a tired gnome steps out; at the same time, a dozen gnome guards line the wall, not quite aiming their weapons at Leo, but poised to act if needed. The gnome introduces himself as Irky Timbers and Leo gives him a coffee. After Leo asks about Flip Sham, Irky tells him that they're still recuperating from the battle and don't know who is or isn't alive. Irky promises to let Flip Sham know to contact him. Leo attempts to convince Irky that Damian Eaton is working with the Quieknives, and it seems as though Irky regards him with suspicion. "You work for the Littlelows, you want me to attack a rival halfling family, and you want me to take that on faith?" Leo loses his nerve. In return for the information Leo gives him, Irky tells Leo about the dwarves at the docks - something that, of course, Leo already knew. He learns, however, that the orc chieftain is indeed alive. Both parties leave in a huff.

As Leo returns to the militia headquarters, he spots a halfling watching him...

Greg is following Father Ralph Moroni for some time before he can catch up. As Greg tries to barter for his soul back, Ralph clutches at a holy symbol, which incurs a stabbing pain in Greg's chest. Ralph offers five thousand gold for completing the mission, upon its completion. Greg gives away several parts of the three's plan in passing. Doubling down on Greg's spinelessness, Ralph states menacingly, "I don't make threats, Mr. Piss. I make statements." He leaves.

While he looks for Laura, a carriage pulls up beside Greg. Two full-blooded orcs emerge and tell him to get into the wagon, and Greg obliges. They sit either side of him. Papa Quietknife brings up Greg's debt, announcing that the debt he owed to the Littlelows had been paid - and that Greg now owes it to the Quietknives. Papa Quietknife explains that after a certain threshold is passed, debts require insurance. When Greg tells them they can't take his soul, for someone else already possesses it, Papa Quetknife and the weedy elf beside him laugh at Greg. Greg laughs too. They take inventory of Greg's possessions, which happen to be the few adventuring items he carries in his bag. He empties it onto a table in the carriage. This amuses Papa Quietknife increasingly. When he's finished, one of the orcs sweeps Greg's belongings off the table, and Greg tries to stuff them back into his ale-stained bag. Papa Quietknife asks Greg to sit on the table. Then to lie down. The orcs begin to strap his arms and legs down. When Greg asks what's being taken, Papa Quietknife responds menacingly, "Well, let's just say I want my pound of flesh." The weedy elf fetches surgical tools from a satchel and then begins an operation without anaesthetic. They remove one of his lungs and put it in an icebox, then stop the carriage and give the box to the Quietknife family priest; one assumes the priest would cast a corpse-preserving spell upon it to keep it as fresh as possible.

Greg is allowed out of the carriage in a random spot in the city and from there he looks for a temple to Nomes. There, he speaks to Father Keaton, tells him he's been attacked, name-drops Periwinkle and his wife. Father Keaton is suspicious but won't turn away someone in need. He heals him but can't "grow a newie" lung for Greg. He says it's too difficult a spell and would require the chief priestess's help - that it would not be done unless certain promises were made. Regardless, Father Keaton tells him that chief priestess Clara Norman is not in town and that he should return in a week's time. Greg thanks the Father and returns the militia headquarters, covering up his scar.

The three meet up again. When Leo notices that Greg is groggy with pain he gives him the two coffees he has left. They decide to go to Little Teaglaigh for lunch.

Will Piss be able to keep his secret, and more importantly, what is'' for lunch? Find out next time...''

Quotes

 * "There's too much at stake here. I'm sorry." - Ian to Periwinkle
 * "Periwinkle, you're a loose cannon; but dammit, you get results." - Captain Toltan
 * "Is he an animal? Can I handle him?" - Handsome Tom, referring to Captain Toltan
 * "Leo Shadow? Let me just check the list, I'm sure you're on it!" - a gnome guard, sarcastically
 * "Well I guess you're just too little(low), too late." - Irky to Leo
 * "My soul. What's that worth, really? It's damaged, it's old..." - Greg
 * "If it (the superweapon) doesn't end up in our hands, I can assure you, it will not matter to you what happens to anything." - Ralph Moroni to Greg
 * "Sorry, I get my debts confused." - Greg
 * "Alter Self! Make it look like I already have no lungs. Got 'em." - Jackson
 * "I'm nothing but promises." - Greg
 * "I have no plans, just as an aside..." - Greg

Trivia

 * 32,000 gold, the amount Greg is in debt, could afford a whole galley, with 2,000gp to spare.
 * In the next episode, Adam mentions that Greg probably had to pray before being seen to by Father Keaton. He pretended to.