Lie For An Eye

Lie For An Eye is the title of the eleventh episode episode of Jarren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D Is For Nerds Adventure. It features Adam Carnevale as the Dungeon Master. The episode was released on 5th August, 2017. The introductory soundbite is "Sanspants radio: lockat-lecka-loo-[laughter over stumbled words]," spoken by Adam Carnevale with chuckling from Joel Zammit and Jackson Baly. The previous episode is O'Rourke's Eleven and the following one is Shadowboxing.

Events

 * 1) Greg is kidnapped by Papa Quietknife.
 * 2) Papa's elf surgeon takes Greg's eye.
 * 3) Greg convinces the Sabers to try to join the assault on Rhodes Keep.
 * 4) Leo encounters an old friend - Captain DeSilva.
 * 5) DeSilva gives Leo a decent boat with a ballista for mounting the wall of the keep.
 * 6) The party reconvenes at the militia-friendly bar.
 * 7) Periwinkle promises to meet with Papa Littlelow before they do anything with the weapon.

Players & Their Characters

 * Jackson Baly as Greg Piss
 * Joel Zammit as Leo Shadow
 * Handsome Tom as Periwinkle O'Rourke

NPCs

 * Papa Quietknife and the seedy elf surgeon
 * Evelyn Plain
 * Captain DeSilva
 * Periwinkle's militia buddies

Locations

 * Jarren's Outpost
 * The Sewers
 * Sabers headquarters
 * Captain DeSilva's boat
 * Militia-friendly bar
 * Rhodes keep (mentioned)

Plot
Greg Piss doesn't have a second to spare - it looks to be about 6pm and he's got a lot of organisation to do for this assault - so he races down the street in the carriage and crashes into another carriage, blacking out. At first he believes he's been caught by the blood cult, but then hears his name spoken from a familiar voice... and he's strapped to a metal table, much like the one in Papa Quietknife's cart.

In typical Greg style, he tries to barter his way out of losing another organ or limb. Papa plays with the idea: his tongue, another lung? What should he take? He tells Greg that his warehouse burnt down, and Greg tells him that Shane, who was responsible for the fire, is a wererat. "Surely that's worth 5,000?" Papa traces a finger down Greg's body.... and decides to take an eye. Greg is given an eyepatch, had a bag put over his head and let out near where he crashed.

Greg arrives at the Sabers' headquarters and is brought before paladin commander, Evelyn Plain - he tells her that the dwarves, gnomes and possibly even the militia are attacking Rhodes Keep that night. She gets him to sit down then utters a prayer, invoking a zone of truth. She grills him. Evelyn learns some of the plans but there are some things Greg manages to avoid sharing. She does not promise to attack by midnight, but will do her best to ready for it. She also offers to replace Greg's missing eye. Evelyn, another paladin and a cleric summon a phantom eye which they put into Greg's head - one which allows the Sabers, and the Sabers only, to see through it. It's an apt piss-yellow.

As Leo approaches the dwarven ship on his upside-down boat, he sees a stocky dwarf - Captain DeSilva, whom Leo is familiar with! Instead of his regular flamboyant hat, he wears one of official colours. He invites Leo into his quarters and gives him a change of clothes - and a rather vibrant one at that. DeSilva explains that he has been working for a subsidiary of one of the dwarven families over a few drinks, and that he has yet to return home. Things are going well for him. He is now, in fact, Commodore DeSilva, owner of several ships.

He reveals that the dwarves only attacked the orcs at the docks to free up trading space and allow commerce to continue. Leo fills the commodore in on the lay of the land in Jarren's Outpost. He's told that he cannot engage locally in a violent political fashion; he can, however, fight orcs whenever he sees them. Together, they decide that the dwarves will catapult the keep around midnight, assuming there are orcs there, but not attack on foot. He gives Leo a boat, too, with a ballistae to climb the wall. Drunkenly remembering Meatpie, he sadly gets into his new boat. He's given some basic instructions on operating the ballistae, and another boat of dwarves row him back to shore, near Teaglaigh.

Greg writes "we're being watched - pretend to kill me, then take out my eye!" on a piece of parchment. The party reconvenes at the miitia safe bar. Greg attempts to mime to the others that he's been bugged, then just explains to them simply what the Sabers have done. The party wonder if it'd be easier to put him in a barrel. Greg has a little chat with O'Rourke's eleven, but they have little to talk about (most of them dislike him) while Periwinkle and Leo take a sidebar.

The decide that Greg Piss is definitely going to betray them at some point. Leo asks that before Periwinkle does anything with the weapon, he agrees to at least meet with Papa Littlelow. In return, Leo promises to try to keep Greg Piss in place. In a characteristically slippery fashion, Greg finishes a jar of pickled eggs. Periwinkle agrees. Greg coughs some of the eggs up when Colin socks him in the gut playfully. The party decides to split Periwinkle's men - half on the assault, half infiltrating.

Periwinkle and the party talk about Thursday T and Thursday R: the two who are only a couple of days from retirement - Thursday R has just bought a boat, the Freedom, and Thursday T is expecting his third grandchild.

''Will Thursday R ever get to sail the Freedom? Will Thursday T ever get to see his grandchild? Find out next time...''

Quotes

 * "Fuck me, Adam!" - Jackson
 * "If you don't hold still, I'll take more than an eye by accident!" - the elf
 * "People have described me as slippery" - Greg
 * "Your bullshit detector is like, 5 alarm chilli! Something spicy's going on." - Adam to Handsome Tom
 * "You slept with Goggle's brother, and his wife, and his mother." - Periwinkle about, of course, Greg

Trivia

 * By the end of this episode, Greg has lost one lung, one eye and the use of one ear.
 * Both of the Thursdays are only a couple of days away from retirement.
 * The Freedom ship is a plan for the world's largest cruise liner at 1.8km long. After years, it has yet to receive funding.