Papa Littlelow

Papa Littlelow is the title of the eighth episode episode of Jarren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D Is For Nerds Adventure. It features Adam Carnevale as the Dungeon Master. The episode was released on 25th July, 2017. The introductory soundbite is "Sanspants radio: forced to interact with nan," spoken by Jackson Baly. The previous episode is Coffees To Go and the following episode is Rat In A Maze.

Events

 * 1) The party visits Father Keaton for some healing, and he reminds Periwinkle of his commitment to them.
 * 2) They go to Little Teaglaigh for coffee and to see Father Littlelow.
 * 3) Periwinkle stops Little Little from shooting Greg in broad daylight.
 * 4) Greg visits Papa Littlelow.  The conversation starts poorly.
 * 5) Greg tries to get his debt with the Quietknives removed.  Papa wants him to apologise to his daughter.
 * 6) Greg apologises somewhat, then proposes, and Rosita runs off in tears.
 * 7) Papa upholds his end of the bargain - he tells Greg the Surefoots are selling his debt.
 * 8) Leo tells Papa Littlelow that the Quietknives threatened him.
 * 9) Leo is very stressed.  The party decides upon a plan to steal the weapon: a distracting assault on the keep so they might infiltrate.
 * 10) Greg will trick the dwarves, gnomes and Sabers into believing that each other party is engaging the keep; Leo will get them a boat; Periwinkle will rally his comrades and ask Captain Toltan how to get into the keep.

Players & Their Characters

 * Jackson Baly as Greg Piss
 * Joel Zammit as Leo Shadow, with Meatpie the magpie
 * Handsome Tom as Periwinkle O'Rourke

NPCs

 * Father Keaton
 * Graggia (mentioned)
 * Little Little
 * Papa Littlelow's lackeys
 * Rosita

Locations

 * Jarren's Outpost
 * Church of Nomes
 * Little Teaglaigh
 * The Littlelow restaurant

Plot
The party starts off towards the church of Nomes to see Father Keaton, where Greg tells him that his friends need his help too. Father Keaton mentions to Periwinkle that Graggia had come by earlier that day - it seems as though Periwinkle is supposed to be destroying the weapon for them. After they pray, Father Keaton heals Leo and Periwinkle. Over coffees in Little Teaglaigh, the three discuss the weapon. Leo really doesn't want to deal with the Quietknives. Little Little stands behind the counter staring daggers into the back of Greg Piss's head. Greg would also like the Quietknives out of the way, but they all know that the three of them aren't going to be powerful enough to defeat them - unless, Periwinkle points out, they have the weapon.

Periwinkle spots Little Little eyeing up Greg. He asks Greg if he'd ever done anything to upset him, and of course, he had slept with his sister. Little Little walks up to them - a flintlock tucked under a towel behind him - and when he sees Periwinkle he stops abruptly. He calculates that he doesn't hate Greg Piss enough to shoot him in front of a militia officer, and turns to leave. Greg and Leo go to see Papa Littlelow while Periwinkle keeps an eye on Little Little. He calls Little Little over and makes an order.

Upon entering the upstairs of the restaurant, Greg and Leo notice some halflings playing dice, who stop when they come in. One of them goes to tell Papa Littlelow of their presence. The one that remains is wary of Greg. The other one returns, and tells the two to wait as Papa finishes a business meeting. As they wait, they hear muffled "no, no no!" and scuffling from inside Papa's office. After, a halfling beckons them into the room. There are five lackeys in the office, one of whom is scrubbing a blood stain out of the floor. Greg asks Leo to wait outside a moment, he obliges.

Littlelow reaches out with his hand and Greg kisses the ring. Greg gets off on the wrong foot. Papa Littlelow is not having a good day. He implies that he knows about the Quietknives' insurance and tells Greg that he needed to trade off Greg's debt. Greg is no longer in Papa's good or bad books. "I don't need debt. I needed information," Papa tells him. He doesn't know if the Surefoots plan on selling Greg's debt with them to the Quietknives. To find that out, Greg must apologise to Papa's daughter, for then he might remember; Greg seems happy to.

She shows up, looking shy. Before she enters, Papa says, "You know, I loved you like a son. You could've been my son." Greg offers to marry his daughter in return for his debt with the Quietknives being bought out. Papa considers this. He decides that it's Rosita's decision. She enters. Greg apologises to her, and gets down on one knee. He brings out a ring and proposes. Her response is upset, she starts crying. Papa looks like Greg's about to get killed. Rosita runs away. As Greg leaves, the relationship between them not quite ruined, Papa says, "Piss, the Surefoots are selling your debt. A promise is a promise, you apologised."

Leo's aware that the Quietknives take insurance of something for every 10,000 of debt they're owed. He also knows that Greg Piss has nothing but organs to give. Greg goes downstairs, and Leo goes into Papa's office to inquire about the Quietknives. He admits the Quietknives threatened him. Papa's not happy that Leo took so long to tell him. Leo kisses the ring and leaves, unsure as to how well that went.

Leo proposes that the weapon be destroyed to Periwinkle - for the Littlelows want it that way, as does the church of Nomes. Leo is very stressed and desperate. When Greg asks if Periwinkle is working for the church and the response is evasive, Leo is beside himself and falls into a slump. Periwinkle says he doesn't know, but Greg thinks Periwinkle's got his mind made up. Greg suggests they go to Eaton's keep that night. Neither Leo nor Periwinkle want to sacrifice their brethren, but Greg Piss is happy to throw anyone into the water. The Sabers' willingness to be involved is discussed - to subvert Periwinkle's hesitance, Leo suggests using them as cannonfodder, and establishes this is doing the right thing for the right reasons. Greg reckons he can get 100 Sabers on board, optimistically, and the other two believes them; they would leak this information to the gnomes and dwarves, hopefully bringing them into the attack; then the three of them, along with Periwinkle's militiamen, sneak around the back.

The three wonder why the orcs didn't use the weapon. Greg posits that it was because they are "dumb fucks", Periwinkle gives him an intimidating look, and Greg pisses himself a little. He's terrified. They agree Eaton might have more success, however. On that note, they decide that they must storm the keep that evening. Greg is asked to alter himself into disguises to leak information about the attack to the Sabers, gnomes and dwarves, maybe even the orcs; Leo says he'll get the boat; Periwinkle imagines he can cash in a favor in the form of sort of map or floorplan from Captain Toltan. They plan to reconvene and begin the assault at midnight.

''What a simple plan. What could possibly go wrong? Find out next time...''

Quotes

 * "Our father Nomes, who is a gnome tree, likes to eat babies, and is kind to us. fix my body please." - the prayer of body fix
 * "Why would you ask me how I am and then immediately ask me a question?" - Papa Littlelow to Greg
 * "You know what debt's worth? Nothing.  Only what someone'll pay." - Papa Littlelow
 * "I could make an honest woman of her." - Greg to Papa Littlelow about his daughter, Rosita
 * "You need three things in life. Fear, love and respect." - Papa Littlelow
 * "You're staying with me, Greg." - Periwinkle
 * "They threatened me, Papa!" - Leo
 * "I'm the grease boy." - Leo
 * "I've got this scheme. We're gonna build a wooden dragon." - one of many reasons Greg's in debt
 * "It's just that... everyone hates the halflings..." "I didn't." "Didn't?!" - Leo and Periwinkle
 * "You classist, racist fuck."

Trivia

 * Adam refers to the final episode of the TV series The Sopranos. It is hotly contested as to whether the main character, Tony, is actually killed.
 * if the Surefoots sold Greg's debt to the Quietknives, he would owe them 24,000gp.