The Weapon

The Weapon is the title of the twenty-first and final episode of Jarren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D Is For Nerds Adventure. It features Adam Carnevale as the Dungeon Master. The episode was released on 9th September, 2017. The introductory soundbite is "Sanspants radio: when I was 16 and learning how to ride a bike we went to this place, it was up in, like, Ferntree Gully, and I was, like, doing really well 'cause it was the first time i was doing this and I was kind of, like, nervous 'cause i was, like, a fat, chunky sixteen-year-old; I had no idea what the fuck I was doing and I was doing really well, and then I saw an old man and he looked at me and he kind of, like, smiled, like, well done, and then I got overconfident, and then I screwed up, and then I fell off my bike, scrapped my knee, and then I had to be like 'I'm just learning, I'm so sorry, I'm really bad...' The old guy didn't care, he was just having a walk!" spoken by Joel Zammit. The previous episode is It's Just Good (Halfling) Business and the story is bridged into Jarren's Outpost Rumble with Epilogue: Repercussions.

Events

 * 1) Periwinkle kills his hostage.  Bullets from the gnomish superweapon hit Periwinkle and Graggia, Graggia collapses.  Surefoots up on the catwalk fire down at Leo, while guards on the ground back off and take cover.
 * 2) Periwinkle runs towards her, tossing a bee bomb at a few Surefoots; he cradles her, and she enters a barbarian rage, killing a halfling.  Leo takes out a Surefoot guard and takes a few hits from the Surefoots above.
 * 3) Another bullet hits Graggia, this time in the eye.  Again, Periwinkle runs over to her, and he sews up a wound to buy her some more time.
 * 4) Graggia charges again, kills another Surefoot, and others scarper.
 * 5) Leo storms into the central building, discovers Flip Sham and frees her.
 * 6) Periwinkle kills two halflings as he and Graggia make towards Papa Surefoot.
 * 7) The guards on either side of Papa Surefoot fire their crossbows, Periwinkle feels a hit in his chest, then everything goes black.
 * 8) Leo sends Flip Sham to help Periwinkle and Graggia while he goes upstairs to fight the halflings operating the weapon.  He kills one outright.
 * 9) The other two bring Leo to death's door, but he manages to kill the more experienced of the two and the other leaves.
 * 10) Leo tries to make his way to Flip Sham.  She comes to him on the stairs and he faints.

Players & Their Characters

 * Jackson Baly as Greg Piss
 * Joel Zammit as Leo Shadow
 * Handsome Tom as Periwinkle O'Rourke

NPCs

 * Surefoot foreman
 * Surefoot guards
 * Surefoot-employed construction workers
 * Papa Surefoot
 * Graggia
 * Flip Sham Rock

Locations

 * Jarren's Outpost
 * Gnomish District
 * Surefoot Warehouse

Plot
Periwinkle snaps the neck of his hostage. One bullet hits him from the hundreds. He charges towards some dirt cover. Graggia floors a halfling and crushes his head. Two bullets hit Graggia - one in the neck, one in the chest. She collapses. The six halflings on the catwalk fire down at Leo. Other Surefoot guards back off to take defensive positions. Leo manages to kill the guard nearest to him and uses him as cover. Periwinkle throws some bees at three halflings and heads towards his wife; killing two and wounding a third. He kneels beside Graggia. He does not know how to help as she appears to be wounded mortally. She growls, gets up, and tears into the remaining bee'd halfling, enraged, a trail of blood behind her. The catwalk Surefoots fire at Leo again, leaving Leo close to being downed.

Bullets fail to hit Graggia, then one hits Periwinkle, then one hits Graggia - in the eye - she still stands, in shock, incredibly close to death. The weapon stops working. Leo digs into a sand mound to hide himself. Periwinkle roars and runs over to Graggia. She puts a hand over his, blood flowing from her mouth. Periwinkle realises she is mouthing the songs she always sings when one of the O'Rourkes breaks something out of anger, "How You Sew Something Back Together". He pulls a needle and thread from her pocket and sews her up, reciting the song himself; he buys her some time. She mouths "thank you".

She charges in again, launching onto another Surefoot. She tears him apart, and the nearby Surefoots scatter in fear. One of them fires at Periwinkle, misses, then drops his crossbow and scarpers. The Surefoots on the rafters fire at Graggia and Periwinkle, her taking one hit and him taking two. The weapon is still under maintenance. Leo gets into the building, and Papa Surefoot exclaims as he evades him. He kicks down the door into the office. There are two chairs tied together, and to one of them Flip Sham is tied and gagged.

Graggia is making her way towards Papa Surefoot, who has a guard on either side of him. Periwinkle enables his gauntlet powers and kills two Surefoot halflings on his way to the Papa Surefoot, but takes damage to put him seriously close to being downed himself. Graggia charges - she picks up a halfling and throws him into another one. Papa Surefoot "encourages" his two remaining guards. They level their crossbows. Periwinkle feels himself socked in the chest, and everything goes dark.

Leo unties Flip Sham. She apologise over and over again. Leo stumbles over his words, begins to rush off - Flip Sham grabs him, kisses him with a healing kiss, and then he heads upstairs. As soon as he reaches the floor with the weapon on it, he hears one of the three halflings operating it announce that it is working again. Leo immediately stabs one of the halflings in the back, killing him. There are two still operating the machine - one older, more experienced, and another younger one. They face him and attack: Leo parries the younger's rapier but is skewered in the thigh by the older. Leo fails to hit both. When they attack again, Leo cancels them both out with his defending. His attack sends him a long way in the wrong direction by fumbling, and the younger one gets him. The kid stands on the stairs, while the older one comes at him hard. The kid stabs Leo in the leg but he holds steadfast his focus on the older Surefoot. Leo scores a blow on the experienced one's neck. The kid tries to charge up the stairs but Leo kicks him back - as he does this the older one kicks Leo's leg, breaking it, knocking Leo, staggered. He stumbles, groggy.

"Feeling a little tired now, mate?" - the older Surefoot, to Leo

Leo uses his one attempt to attack the older one, and takes him off guard, stabbing him twice in the chest. He sways a little.

"You know what? I'm feeling a little sleepy too." - the older Surefoot, to Leo

He collapses. The younger one drops his rapier and runs off. Leo crawls over to the edge and sees only bodies. He starts to stagger down the stairs - "Leo!" he hears Flip Sham calling. She catches him on the stairs, and he falls unconscious.

''Who is dead? Who is alive? Find out next time...''

Quotes

 * "I've never been more in love with you in all my life." - Periwinkle to a gore-soaked Graggia
 * "This time you've made it O'Rourke-senal." - Periwinkle
 * "The woman you know and love has been replaced by a different woman you know and love." - Adam, regarding Graggia
 * "He looks old and frail... but he also looks experienced and worldly" - Adam, regarding Papa Surefoot
 * "Grease the floor?" - Jackson

Trivia

 * This is the second episode of Jarren's Outpost Hustle which does not feature Greg Piss's character.
 * Adam pronounces Graggia's name as "Greggia" in this episode.
 * Greg Piss owes a lot of money to a lot of bad people. If he marries Laura Filmore, he will be able to pay off his debts.
 * With two options, switching from one choice to the other does not affect your odds in Adam's "highs or lows" system.
 * The gnomish superweapon may have looked something like this (an early version of a real Gatling gun).